As the kids, and my fraternity boys, at the University of Minnesota are finishing their final exams and turning in their papers I am looking forward to the end of the semester exchange of email with some of the parents. I enjoy the ongoing communication I have with them and for the most part it is a very healthy relationship for them, their son, and me as a volunteer.
This summer as I was speaking with the parents about the fraternity many of them said something like:
“I hope I am not being an overly involved parent or annoying you (me). I have heard about helicopter parents and I do not want to hover over him. But I am curious/concerned/ and want to be sure this is a good choice for him and speaking with an ‘adult’ helps the decision making process.”
Quite the opposite, I want their involvement.
Here is my advice as a chapter advisor of 30+ young men, hover around your son but keep a 2 mile no fly zone around him. Be close enough to help when needed but wait for the call. Let him problem solve. Let him work through his issues. And only when it is not working out get involved.
Or to put it another way, my analogy is that I try to give them enough rope but not enough they can hang themselves with.
Last month data from the National Survey of Student Engagement was released showing some involvement, hovering, is a good thing.
From the survey:
- Seven out of 10 students communicated "very often" with a parent or guardian throughout the academic year.
- There is more electronic contact than face-to-face.
- Moms were the most frequently contacted support person; 86% reporting electronic contact with moms "often" or "very often."
- 13% of first-year students and 8% of seniors reported frequent intervention by a parent or guardian; another quarter of first-year students and 21% of seniors said a parent sometimes intervened.
- There was no difference in the educational levels of parents who intervened and those who didn't.
Parents in general are getting a bad reputation because a small percentage are going to a kid’s job interview or intervening with a roommate issue. While certainly some parents are micro-managing their kid’s life most are not.
Most are respecting the air space around their kid.
I for one welcome the involvement.
Other articles:
- New Study Gives Hovering College Parents Extra Credit
- 'Helicopter parenting' not negative, survey says
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